Lessons Learned From Two Months of Sex W/o Ejaculation

A little over two months ago I was lucky enough to meet a girl who was 100% on board with the whole tantric/karreza/sex without release bit. While I’d had these experiences in the past, they were few and far between, and I’d certainly never had a partner who was committed to helping me with this stuff. I figured I’d take some time off from posting and take a deep dive into the world of sex with Semen Retention.

This isn’t so much a guide or how-to style of post – I just wanted to share my experience and thoughts with the fam as well as explain my leave of absence. For any of the guys out there who are booed up and still want to practice Semen Retention – this post should be of great help.

Finding the right woman is PARAMOUNT

This is easily the most important aspect of the whole tantric sex/sex without release game. While you can meet a girl, have sex with her and (hopefully!) just not orgasm, she’s gonna think she’s either ugly, terrible in bed, something is busted with your junk or all of the above. If you explain things to her before doing the deed, at best she’ll think you’re weird, at worst she’ll call things off.

Finding the right woman goes beyond just open communication. My last serious long term relationship was not on board with me not orgasming. She said it made her feel insecure, like she wasn’t good in bed and like I didn’t enjoy myself. It was also very satisfying for her when I got off. Fair enough. No matter how much I tried to explain things to her, she was set in her ways, and honestly if a girl said she was never going to orgasm when we had sex, I’d probably feel like a failure too.

The right woman has to be patient. She has to have an evolved view of sex. Sex can no longer just be about bumpin’ uglies till a huge explosion of body fluids and expletives occurs. It becomes a long-term game, a means of stoking each other’s fires to ever higher and higher heights. Sex is no longer about just getting each other off, but a means of building up more and more energy and friction within the nervous system – with the occasional release, if your hedonic calendaring calls for it.

Communication is JUST as important

Obviously this practice is doomed from the get go if communication is not a top priority. In all likelihood the gal will have never heard of such a practice and be utterly confused. Unless you have a new age-y, hippy dippy granola type on your hands, I’d recommend just showing them the relationship between prolactin and dopamine, explaining how high prolactin and low dopamine turns you into a tame little puppy, not the savage go-getter you truly want to be. That alone should be enough to convince her of the benefits of this practice.

On top of that, she gets to play around with a partner who is looking for e x t e n d e d bouts of sex. Let’s face it fellas – most of us reach climax embarrassingly quickly, which leaves her feeling unsatisfied to say the least. She now has a partner committed to not only lasting a long time in bed, but of putting her sexual needs before his own! Sex without ejaculation is powerful for a man; sex without ejaculation where the woman orgasms is even more powerful.

“For men, frequent intercourse with infrequent ejaculation is the key technique for cultivating sexual essence and energy. Furthermore, retaining semen during intercourse enables a man to not only preserve and reabsorb his own essence, it also enables him to prolong the act sufficiently for his partner to reach full orgasm, thereby releasing her most potent secretions for his benefit. In effect, he ‘kills two birds with one stone’, preserving his own essence while releasing and absorbing hers.” – The Tao of Health, Sex and Longevity, Daniel Reid

You WILL mess up

It is to be expected that, especially in the beginning, you will lose your control and come when you didn’t want to. Even with all the tricks up my sleeve there were a few times these past couple of months where I went too far and came when I didn’t want to. 

Don’t beat yourself up over it! It’s all part of the learning curve. Get back on the horse, double down on your Jing-boosting herbs and get back at it. It isn’t the end of the world and if you’re using herbs and able to have sex without ejaculation, you’ll bring that sexual energy right back up. 

Speaking of which…

The sexual energy gained from prolonged sex without ejaculation is INSANE

The amount of sexual energy you build up and are able to circulate with tantric sex is out of this world. It blows anything else out of the water, even the more powerful herbs which we haven’t discussed yet. 

It’s the equivalent of plugging into the well of primordial life energy and just JUICING up. That said – this is why you need to have laid a proper groundwork for these practices. You absolutely can short circuit yourself doing these practices if you aren’t prepared. Remember, we’re learning to build up ecstatic energy within the nervous system, causing a cascade of changes within the hormonal/bioelectric systems of the body – the nervous and endocrine systems. This is nothing short of hacking into ecstatic states of consciousness – it’s not something to be taken lightly.

The foundation remains CRITICAL

Again, we are learning to cultivate a type of energy within the nervous system, an energy that affects hormones and, in fact, extends many feet out from the body. You absolutely must prepare the nervous system for handling higher loads of prana/Qi or the results will range from uncomfortable to psych ward. Just look into kundalini syndrome if you have your doubts.

This is why I espouse the benefits of yoga so much – through its postures, breathing exercises and meditation you strengthen and gain control of the nervous system, allowing it to handle the higher wattage produced from Semen Retention and tantric sex. The postures squeeze and tone the endocrine system, regulating and optimizing hormones. The breathing exercises directly regulate the nervous system, and meditation strengthens and calms the mind. It is the perfect complementary practice to Semen Retention, which is why Brahmacharya is an integral part of higher yoga practices.

This is NOT for beginners

It goes without saying, but this practice is absolutely not for beginners. Those starting on the path need lots of time to get used to building and working with sexual energy, carnal desires, and the biological urge to procreate. You MUST master these urges before you attempt to have sex w/o release.

The ONLY exception to this rule is for those that want to begin Semen Retention while already in a relationship. Practice all the techniques solo, then practice them while edging, and then get your lady on board and try it out during sex. You’ll still need to tamper and modify your sex life, but I can’t paint in broad strokes in regards to people’s individual sex lives – you’ll have to tailor that as you see fit.

Most helpful practices

By far the most beneficial practice for sex without release is kegels. In yoga this is known as vajroli mudra, which means thunderbolt gesture, and which I haven’t touched upon much yet. Besides the yogic theory behind it, vajroli mudra is essentially identical to kegels, which hopefully you sons a bitches have been practicing. Do kegels often, whenever you think to. Quick short holds, medium length holds, longer holds, and don’t forget reverse kegels, where it feels like you’re trying to piss as fast as possible. An easy regimen would be 20 pulsed quick holds, 10 medium length holds (2-3 seconds), 5 long holds (5 seconds), and 10 reverse kegels, held for 3 seconds. Do this routine once or twice a day.

The next would be testicle breathing. This is almost identical to the spinal breathing we’ve been discussing in previous posts, except it involves a few tweaks, namely a coordinated combination of kegels, breathing and contracting the muscles around the perineum/prostate. In its complete form, it also involves bringing that energy down the front channel and storing it in the third chakra – this will be detailed in an upcoming post. While kegels help you to not come too fast, testicle breathing helps you to draw that sexual energy upward and away from your dick, which not only helps prevent orgasm, but recharges the entire body/mind complex with fresh, juicy sexual energy. This is not as difficult to perform during sex as you would think, especially if you have been practicing it during solo masturbation sessions.

Schisandra is a great help in keeping your seed inside. It doesn’t compare to having practiced and mastered kegels or testicle breathing, but in a game where so much is at stake, every little bit helps. Not only does it boost your sexual energy and sperm production, its astringent qualities help to lock both semen and sexual energy inside, so you don’t lose your precious seed during sex.

One factor reigns supreme in all of this though, and is more important than any technique available – a willing and understanding partner. When you’re in the heat of the moment and she’s grinding her hips and pelvis into you, pulling you deeper and deeper inside and asking you to fuck her harder… Good luck, buddy. If you and she aren’t on the same page it’s almost a guarantee you’ll lose your seed.

You have to rethink how you go about having sex in general. The goal is no longer to reach orgasm – no more pounding away like porn has taught you (which isn’t what most women want anyway), no more jackrabbiting, no more sexual bravado. Sex is no longer a race or a battle or a conquest – take your damn time, enjoy yourself. Pull out if you’re getting too close to orgasm and explore the rest of her body, give yourself time to cool off.

And while you’ll be lasting longer, the goal also shouldn’t be for her to orgasm, though this should be much easier and is beneficial for you too. The goal is now to cultivate sexual energy, getting close to orgasm, slowing down and circulating it, and then repeating the process… All the while remembering that your lady needs pleasing too.

Intro to Tantra

This post is gonna be a two-parter. This first part is on the background and theory of what Tantra is, with the follow up post being the actual techniques used.

When it comes to Semen Retention, one of the most dangerous things you can do is entertain the idea of anything sexually stimulating. Porn, edging, hell, even looking at or thinking too much about the enticing female form is off the table for many of us, and rightfully so. It’s what led us down this path, spiraling out of control.

So why, of all things, am I about to start discussing how to masturbate and even have sex in order to supercharge our SR practice?

For one reason and one reason only – tantric methods are, by far, the most powerful way to speed up our evolution on this path. 

From the Chinese classic Secrets of the Jade Bedroom –

Rainbow Girl: It is generally assumed that a man gains great pleasure from ejaculation. But when he learns of the Tao of Yin and Yang, he will ejaculate less and less. Will this not diminish his pleasure as well?

Pen-Tze: Not at all! After ejaculating, a man feels tired, his ears buzz, his eyes get heavy, and he longs for sleep. He is thirsty and his limbs feel weak and stiff. By ejaculating, he enjoys a brief moment of sensation but suffers long hours of weariness as a result. This is no true pleasure!

However, if a man regulates his ejaculations to an absolute minimum and retains his semen, his body will grow strong, his mind will be clear, and his vision and hearing will improve. While the man must occasionally deny himself the fleeting sensation of ejaculation, his love for his woman will greatly increase. He will feel as if he could never get enough of her. Is that not the true and lasting pleasure of sex?” 

There are Two Paths

While it’s more nuanced than this, let’s split spiritual practice, and by extension, semen retention, into two camps. That of renunciation, and that of tantra. 

The path of the renunciate is where we all begin, and where many of us may stay indefinitely. It is by no means the inferior of the two paths, and seeing as it is the basis for tantra, one might even consider it to be the superior of the two. It is powerful, effective, and most importantly, safe. It’s only downfall is it is slower.

In the path of renunciation, we give up all things sexual. We give up porn, we give up masturbation, and we sure as hell give up sex. When the goal is to retain semen, why would we be having sex? It’s almost a guaranteed spillage of precious seed. 

In the beginning, we might be extremely strict. We modify our environment to remove as much temptation as possible. We unfollow IG accounts that post photos of scantily clad women, we stop hanging out with our attractive female friends or buddies who only talk about getting laid, and we may even avoid social situations that could arouse lust within. These are temporary but necessary limitations we impose on ourselves – remember, “discipline equals freedom”.

As time progresses, and we build confidence in our practice, we may relax things a bit. We’ve gained enough mastery that hanging around attractive females is no longer a trigger. We brush off our buddies’ discussions about their weekend conquests, or attempts thereof. While we prob shouldn’t follow accounts or subreddits dedicated to naked females, we may be strong enough to follow accounts that post the occasional dimepiece. 

Then there is the path of Tantra. After a certain level of confidence has grown in our practice, and a certain amount of self-mastery, a few of us may decide to take things to the next level. 

The risk is great, but the reward is even greater.

We realize that maybe, just maybe, we can use our own desire to further our practice. Just as a smoking piece of wood quickly catches aflame as it is tossed in the fire, so too can our practice go from smouldering to ablaze through using our own desire.

The person on the tantric path learns how to masturbate in such a way to stir up his sexual energy, and then uses tantric techniques to further increase and circulate this energy. 

He learns how to look at an image of a beautiful female and use the desire it stirs within him to accomplish his real lifes work.

The most advanced amongst them even learn how to have sex in such a way as to stoke the sexual energy within, magnifying it many times over, circulating it blissfully throughout the body, all the while absorbing the Yin Jing of the females secretions or “elixers”.

The man on this path walks a dangerous tight-rope. Learning the techniques and the patience to keep his sexual excitement within 90-95% of climax, and being able to focus internally on the circulation and transmutation of this energy is no small feat, to say the least. 

Almost everyone will fail their first few times having tantric sex. With the right practice and Jing-building herbs, this is but a minor setback. 

Many will try it and, realizing its difficulty, give up the practice and return to the path of renunciation – and there ain’t a damn thing wrong with that.

Unfortunately, a few will try out this path and, after indulging and failing to retain their seed, give up the practice of semen retention all together. This is most unfortunate but is a real risk, so keep it in mind. 

However, the persistent among us, those willing to take their time, who have properly prepared, and who are willing to keep practicing… These men will see their practice, and entire life, explode into whole new dimensions of bliss and self-realization. 

Speaking on the difference between these two paths, Lama Yeshe writes,

“The behavior of someone following this path (the path of renunciation) to individual liberation is therefore characterized by extreme self-control. The practitioner posts a strict guard at the door of the senses and is extremely suspicious of whatever wants to enter…

Compared to a system like tantra, which actually uses the energy of desire, this cautious approach to the spiritual path is considered inferior… Tantra’s approach is very different. Instead of viewing pleasure and desire as something to be avoided at all costs, tantra recognizes the powerful energy aroused by our desires to be an indispensable resource for the spiritual path.Because the goal is nothing less than the realization of our highest human potential, tantra seeks to transform every experience – no matter how ‘unreligious’ it may appear – into the path of fulfillment. It is precisely because our present life is so inseparably linked with desire that we must make use of desire’s tremendous energy if we wish to transform our life into something transcendental… 

Thus the logic of tantra is really very simple: our experience of ordinary pleasure can be used as the resource for attaining the supremely pleasurable experience of totality, or enlightenment.

The function of tantra is to transform all pleasures into the transcendental experience of deep penetrative awareness. Instead of advocating separation from worldly pleasures the way many other traditions do, tantra emphasizes that it is much more effective for human beings to enjoy themselves and channel the energy of their enjoyments into a quick and powerful path to fulfillment and enlightenment.”

Powerful stuff. The thing is, you must be thoroughly established in SR and completely overhaul your worldview for this practice to bear fruit. You MUST have a solid foundation set, a regular routine that is practiced daily, and have spent some serious time working with your mind, it’s desires, urges and emotions. If you have difficulty making it a couple months without PMO, tantra is likely not for you.. Yet.

While I can’t speak for Lama Yeshe, when he calls the path of renunciation “inferior”, I take it to mean that the path of tantra is more suitable for those of us still living in the world of everyday life, surrounded by temptations and mundane pleasures. We can’t all go full monk mode and live in an ashram, monastery or hermitage, dedicating our lives to spiritual practice, nor should most of us. 

If we begin our practice of Semen Retention with renunciation, starving the constantly hungry sex drive and asserting our rightful dominance over the dominion of craving that is the libido, we set a solid foundation for when the time comes to practice tantra. 

Tantra, Dual Cultivation, and Karezza

Just as true yoga has little to do with soccer moms in pink yoga pants, true tantra actually has very little to do with sex. Or masturbation. Or anything sexual at all really. 

Tantra is all about using your natural desires as a means for spiritual evolution.

Tantra can be translated as a “weave” or “web”, and comes from the Sanskrit verbal root “tan”, meaning to expand. Tantra is therefore the practice and philosophy of expanding consciousness.

As Georg Feuerstein states, “According to esoteric explanations, tantra is that which expands jnana,which can either mean ‘knowledge’ or ‘wisdom’.”

Tantra is a means of transcending ordinary reality by diving deep into and through ordinary reality. Every experience, be it sex, listening to music, getting into an argument or eating a slice of pizza is seen as a manifestation of the divine, and thus can be used for transcendence.

While that’s all well and good, us scalawags on this sub are mostly interested in the sexual aspect of tantra. Within yogic systems of tantra, sex is used not only as means of spiritual transformation, of cultivating immense energy and bliss, but also a means of worshipping the divine feminine principle of the universe, Shakti. Shakti, the divine feminine, represents all energy in the universe – prana, Qi, kundalini, electricity, fire, ATP within the mitochondria – all of it is Shakti. By worshipping Shakti via tantric sex, you are actively worshipping the very same energy within your own body that you’ve been cultivating and sublimating this whole time.

Sex transforms from just a small, momentary explosion of pleasure followed by a limp dick and regret into a science of extended bliss and self-transcendence.

Within Qi Gong, tantric sex or “dual cultivation” is less a means of worship and more of a way to simply increase Jing and Qi, to cultivate and circulate sexual energy. Further, you didn’t have to be a spiritual practitioner to use these techniques. The common folk were well aware of them, as well as *Jing-*boosting, aphrodisiac herbs, just as a means of sexual enjoyment and boosting overall health.

These practices differ from karezza and “coitus resveratus” in the fact that they are energy-based and used as a means for spiritual evolution. Karezza is simply having normal sex and not ejaculating. There aren’t fancy breathing exercises, visualizations, mudras or bandhas, and usually there generally isn’t any non-ejaculatory orgasm, in contrast to Taoist/tantric sex, where all of these aspects usually play a role. 

Regardless, the techniques provided are useful for any type of non-ejaculatory sex, and any type of non-ejaculatory sex provides great benefit for us on the Semen Retention path.

Benefits of Tantric Sex

Whether you practice yogic tantric sex, Taoist “dual-cultivaton” style, or just plain karezza/non-ejaculatory sex, you reap massive benefits. 

Let’s start with karezza. You simply have sex, taking your time and going slow enough that you don’t orgasm. You’re focused on the act of sex itself, without the goal of orgasming. There are two main benefits to be had from this style of love making. 

First, it frees up and liberates a lot of sexual energy, which, if you know what you’re doing, you can then sublimate and circulate throughout the body-mind complex. You can do this during or after sex, or not at all, just enjoying sex for what is – physical intimacy with a special lady friend.

Second, from a Taoist perspective, the act of sex allows you to absorb the female’s “yin essence” – the hormones, peptides and other goodies found in her vaginal secretions. Of course, this implies that you are having sex without a condom, which carries its own risks and caveats, namely it must be consenual, you should both be free of STDs and hopefully the girl is on birth control, in case you slip up and bust a nut. Sperm can be found in pre-ejaculate as well, so consider yourself warned.

As Daniel Reid unpoetically states in The Tao of Health, Sex and Longevity,

“In both men and women, sexual secretions contain many pure, potent, biochemically active substances: hormones, enzymes, proteins, vitamins and other elements. When female secretions are released into the warm, moist environment of the vagina during intercouse, they come into direct contact with the sensitive, paper-thin skin of the man’s blood-engorged penis. Body heat opens wide the pores of this stretched skin, and the rhythmic rubbing of vagina and penis causes biochemically significant amounts of female ‘essence’ to be absorbed by the male.”

He continues, “For men, frequent intercourse with infrequent ejaculation is the key technique for cultivating sexual essence and energy. Furthermore, retaining semen during intercourse enables a man not only to preserve and reabsorb his own essence, it also enables him to prolong the act sufficiently for his partner to reach full orgasm, thereby releasing her most potent secretions for his benefit.”

Tantric sex and Taoist “dual cultivaton” are both essentially the same, unless you factor in the act of worshipping the divine from the tantra side of things. You receive the same benefits as karezza, but tantric and Taoist sex is, in itself, a type of energy work and meditation. You actively sublimate and circulate the sexual energy that is created during the act of lovemaking, both during and after the act. This leads to states of extreme bliss, as well as the possibility of altered states of consciousness, although these things don’t have to be a goal and are not guaranteed.

If you’re a skilled practitioner, you’re also able to cultivate bliss in such a way that you have multiple, full-body orgasms, without spilling your seed! Believe me when I say that this takes a lot of practice and, most difficult of all, finding a partner that’s willing to help you learn how to do this.

Taoists also speak of “solo cultivation”, which, as the name implies, is using masturbation in such a way as to cultivate and circulate sexual energy on your own. While it is less effective than dual cultivation, solo cultivation is a useful practice to not only learn to get the hang of the internal energy work that you use during tantric sex, but also to get the body used to getting close to orgasm before stopping and cooling off. It is essentially “tantric edging”.

I highly suggest that you have a solid 60-90 days of retention under your belt before you begin flirting with the idea of solo or dual cultivation. It’s also highly recommended that you are proficient in the sublimation techniques I’ve given in posts 2, 3, and 7, and that you become proficient in the techniques in Part 2 of this series on Tantra before you start messing around with edging or tantric sex.

May I also gently remind you horndogs that this is not a green light to go back to your sleazy ways of watching porn and scrolling through NSFW subs all day, every day. That will still fuck your brain up and drain you of tons of energy and dopamine, even if you’re doing “solo cultivation” practices. You still need to be “guarding the sense doors” the majority of the time.

To give you an idea of the power of these practices, after a few weeks/months of practice, you should be able to have sex or receive a blow job and make the conscious decision of whether you would like to orgasm or not. Having sex without orgasm always leaves me feeling invigorated and empowered, and I’m always ready for more, as compared to sex with release, which leaves me feeling drained and sleepy, with a few days of a “sex hangover” – basically just feeling lazy and less motivated. 

“The art of the bedroom consists of suppressing emissions, absorbing the woman’s fluids, and making semen return to strengthen the brain, thereby attaining longevity.” – Pien Chang’s Dynastic History of the Later Han

Mindset

Before you begin attempting tantric sex or even “solo cultivation”, you need to change your view of the world within and around you.

Remember, tantra is a way of viewing every experience as a play of the divine – everything becomes holy, no matter how mundane or profane. Those with a spiritual or religious bend can fit this way of thinking into their given paradigms. For those of us who are atheist or agnostic, simply view everything in terms of a purely energetic standpoint.

Everything you see around you, the world of physical matter, is just condensed energy. Nothing is “good” or “bad”, everything is just energy moving about in different forms, and thus everything can be used for self-transcendence, if viewed properly.

The spiritual aspirant views the world as a training ground, where he uses everyday experiences as a means to purify the mind and emotions. The semen retention practitioner should view sex and non-ejaculatory masturbation as a training ground for increasing and sublimating sexual energy.

See a beautiful lady walking towards you? Feel that sexual energy rise up, embrace it, and view it not as lust but rather as a powerful means for bliss and self-transformation.

Feeling horny? Good, the drive to be a man and create new life is still strong within you, the flame has not been extinguished. Reframe it as not just a means to fuck a girl, but a means to make love to existence itself and birth a whole new you. 

Realize that your attraction to a beautiful lady is really your male energy craving union with female energy – and she experiences the same in reverse. Yang craves Yin, and vice versa.

Read Reddit user u/redjohnagain’s The Earth is a Woman (Part 1).

If you’re having sex with a gal, don’t view her as just a soft and warm thing to come inside of. Her body is a temple, and you should worship it, not just with your cock but with your mind, using her body, energy and soul to help you create untold levels of bliss within. And fellas, don’t forget – you should be aiming to please her as well you scoundrel, don’t be so self-involved that you forget she wants to feel good too. 

And while we should never put women on a pedestal, we should always feel grateful for a chance to merge with that divine feminine energy we crave so much.

And in fact, any desire you feel for anything, and any experience you have, can be transformed for spiritual means. I’ll leave that to you to study as it goes beyond the scope of Semen Retention.

“Like the sun, which dries up everything, or like fire, which consumes everything, so the yogin enjoys everything but is not stained by sin. Kula-Arnava-Tantra, 9.76

“One should cultivate desire by means of desire. One should cast desire into desire. Desiring by means of desire, abiding in desire, one should stir the world.” – Vamaka-Ishvara-Tantra, 4.46

“For a man to nurture his male powers, he must nourish his Yang essence by absorbing Yin essence. When men and women indulge freely in sex, exchanging their bodily fluids and breathing each other’s breath, it is like fire and water meeting in such perfect proportions that neither one defeats the other. Man and woman should ebb and flow in intercourse like the waves and currents of the sea, first one way, then another, but always in harmony with the Great Tide. In this manner, they may continue all night long, constantly nourishing and preserving their precious vital essence, curing all ailments, and promoting long life. Without this basic harmony of Yin and Yang, neither medicines refined from the five minerals, nor the most potent aphrodisiacs, will be of any use. If the vital essences are dried up due to excessive emission or complete neglect, they can never be revived.” Su-Nu Ching